Hearts

I'm not sure what to title this post, in fact I'm not even sure what I want to say really. Today I labelled the twins' school uniforms. I felt teary the whole time, I feel a little like a part of me is being ripped out. They have been my centre of being for the past 5 years and I have loved it. Going to school changes that. I don't feel as if they are mine so much - now 5 days a week, week in and week out they will spend a lot of their time in the care of others. That hasn't been the case before - sure they were in LDC and went to preschool but they still had 4 days out of 7 where they were my main charges. Now that is going to change and I will be relegated to the weekend. First day blues are here. I wish I could just bottle them up and keep them with me as they are forever. I am so proud to be sending them off to school which I know they are going to love but it also means that they are leaving me and their baby years are gone and so I feel bereft. I can't believe how quickly time has passed and while it's exciting to see them grow and learn there is a part of me that is feeling the pain of this particular milestone. My babies are growing up. They look forward to their increasing independence with youthful enthusiasm. Today as she watched me get dressed I'm pretty sure Hannah was asking me when she will get breasts (!!) or at least that is what I think she meant going by the context of our conversation and her clearly telling me she is a big girl now. One day they'll both leave me for good. And I will be proud of them I'm sure, but I also think a little part of me is going to miss their beautiful childish selves as they are now forever.