Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Sad Faces and Twins

Movie maker Kit experiments with photo booth:
Things are going pretty well at the moment. We have had some struggles with Hannah re toiletting (sorry if it is too much info - but she has constipation - not unusual given her low tone - and hence is getting better at pooing each night before bed - but always needs me in there to 'help' - 'help' has gone form leaning down so she can push against me with her feet and arms to simply sitting by her and reminding her to 'push down') ANYHOW, moving right along.... at the end of each school term she has had a number of wee accidents - up to 3 or even 4 times a week. She always gets into BIG trouble - no TV that day as well as an unhappy class teacher! At the start of this term she decided she liked doing poos at school - in the disabled toilet. It got to the point where she'd spend almost all recess and/or lunch in there - and still there was the odd wee accident.
No one was very happy about it. I discussed things with her teacher. I know it is hard for her - some of it is loss of 'sensation', some of it is cos it's hard, or cos she's busy playing and doesn't want to stop. But it can't continue. It isn't something that I see as 'mainstream compatible'. Maybe I'm overreacting but that is how I feel.
SO Han has learned (the hard way) that weeing in her pants - very bad. She has gone for at least 3 weeks without a wee accident. Our strategy? - I managed to get her poos back into a nightly routine with the reward of a bandaid on whatever small ailment she can think of and each morning I'd ask her "How many wees do you do at school?" - she replied "2". The teacher did her bit - there is a couple of gorgeous girls who 'assist' Hannah - mainly by pushing the door open (it is very heavy) and checking in on her so she sees it as an 'adventure' and myself and my MIL also call in for 3 days to make sure she has gone to the toilet at least once day. SO far it is working. I do feel mean though when Hannah still greets me with 'No wee in my pants mummy'. Poor love - she tries so hard and keeps up so well.
Anyways - too much toilet info isn't the purpose of this post.
Kit of course has never had an accident at school. Oh - and BTW 'sad faces' are given to the children for serious class offences - the child is told "x behaviour, that's a sad face' and they go and get one and put it on their tub for the day. 3 sad faces = time out.) I'm pretty sure Han doesn't get sad faces for toilet issues but still she understands them very well!)
Kit still wets his bed when he is very tired. DH and I now just expect it. and so last night he was exhausted.
Hannah took DH into her and Kit's room - to show him the 'wet bed'. Then she came out and saw Kit on the computer and said "Sad Face Kit. No wee in yo' bed." I LOVED that - poor darling is trying to figure out why it is such a big deal when she does it but not such a big thing when Kit does. He being the lovely brother he is didn't mind when I said to her "Yes, naughty Kit - no more wees in your bed"! I also explained to him that she was trying to understand why it was different for him. To her it must seem very unfair!
Parents. They mess with your head don't they?
Mac Photo Booth - the kids love playing with it!


Adelaide Dupont said...

In recent times, the guys have written about toilet training.

(and especially constipation and lack of tone).

Q's post on More Potty Training

Xander's Task Analysis from Only One Mum

I was taught 2 things: You can't control what comes out of your kid's mouth and that you can't control what comes out of their bottom (or into it for that matter).

This, for me, is useful boundary drawing.

Constipation is horrible, no matter what causes it.

The door in the toilet isn't a 100% accessible, is it? It's good that Han is feeling comfortable with it.

Loving Kit's experiments! And it's good to read about the reward/punishment system. It probably encourages self and peer modelling and monitoring.

And smell is the sense of fear and prejudice. It also gives much pleasure and tolerance.

Sharon said...

Such a cute story. Yes I can see what Hannah is thinking. Life is unfair at times!
Hope the constipation improves. It seems to be a common thing amongst our children with Ds.

Shelley said...

Yes the constipation has definitely improved - it used to be awful - she's had it since she was a baby - and sometimes it would just break my heart. We tried various laxatives that were recommended by her paed. The improvement was really just her developing strength and understanding what was required.
Having said that she has been basically potty trained for years - and in fact was easier to train than Kit. I do feel guilty about how we react if she has an accident at school - but at the same time - it is what makes her realise that it isn't ok - and hence modify her behaviour. I have just put her to bed - and she is so gorgeous - her hair is freshly washed and shiny and she is so adorable - I feel absolutely blessed to have her and just hope that I don't mess the little sweetheart up with adult expectations/stereotypes too much along the way!

Shelley said...

Adelaide - thank you so much for your comments - as ever thoughtful and informative - I loved visiting the other two blogs on this issue. My problem isn't that Hannah isn't doing well on it (although she isn't always 'gold star'!) it is more about HOW I manage it - it really isn't a discipline issue - it's a readiness and physiological issue - and both she and I find that confusing as mentally she and I both 'get' it - but then she has a wee incident at school and all the public shame and Victorian toilet sensabilities come rushing to the fore... I hope she always know that I am in total awe of what she is able to do...