Sunday, March 02, 2008


Well another week gone by and still no home to call our own. We missed out at auction on Sat. I didn 't really mind - we are trying not to let it upset our weekends but tonight I must admit to feeling a bit of 'here we go again' about the whole thing. Let's hope something turns up soon.

My best friend had her 40th on Sat night at the restaurant linked above. The food wasn't that great (good though!) but the setting and the company was sensational! It was with our old friends - a few of whom P knows from primary school - most of whom I know from highschool etc - lovely company. The brats were ably minded by thier grandparents. It was Mardi Gras night so the bus trip home was entertaining too.

One conversation I have had recently was with an old aquaintance - about protectiveness has been on my mind. Her SIL has a 2 yo with DS. This person is lovely, capable and 'authoritive' (a teacher to boot!). I just don't think that an outsider gets it. The primitive imperative to 'protect' your child that all parents know about is so much closer to the surface for the parent of a child with special needs - and this little girl like Hannah had heart surgery very young. I took the opportunity to gently suggest this to her - her SIL sounds like she is doing great and I bet the little girl with DS is a darling too. It did remind me that sometimes as a special needs Mama you are even closer under the peer telescope and that judgement can be so much harder - we put enough pressure on oursleves to do the best by our more vulnerable kids. I don't think that was my friend's intention - she is doubtless concerned for her neice and her brother in particular and I hope would have felt she could talk to me more freely but still I felt for the SIL (not that she said anything 'bad' about her mothering but she did comment on her protectiveness). I wonder how many people I know talk about how Shelley is 'coping' with Hannah - little do they know - it is an amazing experience - rich, rewarding and terrifying - and yes I am very protective of her - in everyday I am more alert to the need to 'spring into acton' on her behalf than I am for Kit - it is simply that the needs of each child are just different and until you have a child with special needs you may not realise how close to the surface some of those feelings can be.

For example, I forgo some intensive therapies for Hannah to have the opportunity to be 'included' fully at childcare - I think the benefits outweigh the costs. On Fri they are going on an excursion - I want her to go and enjoy the experience - yet I also know that the bus trip will make her so anxious that they may decide to leave her behind. I have no idea how she will go on the day - my wonderful MIL has just emailed that she will be able to go with them on the bus - perceptive as always - knowing Hannah almost as well as I do - she recognised my fears and has organised so that she will be able to go - and oversee Hannah's first mainstream exursion. Overprotectiveness or just great and appropriate love and support?? Unless it is your child who has the vulnerability I really don't think you can fully get it.

Sorry no photoes but the brats have had a lovely weekend - at the park, playing with their grandparents, mowing the lawns and visiting the hardware store. I hope you have a good week too.

1 comment:

homealonemom said...

I chose to give Colleen inclusive experiences instead of therapeutic ones, and I think she is better for it. I still make those choices for her. I am doing more community inclusion than "special services" although at times I chose the special services, as in special olympic swimming/bowling. So your approach worked for me as well.