Friday, March 18, 2011
Remember to B-R-E-A-T-H-E
A few years ago, things were pretty bad. My blood pressure was high, I was having panic attacks as I drove about my usual business, I was having trouble sleeping and DH and I weren't our usual 'in sync' either - everything seemed out of kilter. It was funny because that year that was so stressful for me was actually a stunner for the the twins. They were 3 and we had so much fun watching them blossom. Looking back I am still surprised at how much pressure trying to afford a house in an area we wanted put us under. Plus I started studying part time, I was working and still desperately trying to have my 'ideal' family life of clean house, happy stimulated children (well therapied in Hannah's case) and an extended family dinner each week - with no dishwasher!! On one afternoon when I was feeling particularly low, I spied this printblock (pic above). It says "Feeling a little wobbly", I had to buy it and it hangs on our picture wall reminding me that I will continue to have those days but that I hopefully will manage them better each time. Yes I now see myself as clearly insane. My GP recommended a well known antidepressant - I took one but no more - I deferred Uni and held on...
FFWD a year and we are under a ridiculous amount of pressure in finding a school to meet the needs of the twins - especially Hannah - it was a stressful and confronting time but I managed to mostly keep the anxiety at bay. Then the last couple of weeks blindsided me. I don't see Year 1 as being a stellar year for Hannah. Nothing in particular wrong with her teacher - I just don't know that she has what it takes... she is lovely and a good performer in the classroom but she is set in her ways and doesn't seem to be very able to differentiate within her lessons. So I have reached a point where I am going to just put my head down and roll with it. DO what I can to improve the situation for Hannah but expect no shining lights. My anxiety was back in full force. Then work had some sage - basically my exams were today and I have to have them all marked by Monday - an enormous feat and a lot or pressure....I was chatting to my Head of Dept about the time I was having and we were commiserating on the workload - I made a comment to one of our colleagues that we just had to remember to 'breathe'. This colleague was one I had sat with and talked through some of the problems I was having at school for Hannah.
The first lot of marking came in on Wed - not my day for working My Hod rang and said not to come in especially - he knew I had a meeting at Hannah's school in the morning that I was worried about. My colleague dropped over with my first round of marking that afternoon and brought this wonderful gift with her. It made me smile: Together these candles from Oxfam spell - you guessed it - B-R-E-A-T-H-E.
Something I need to remind myself to do for a bit longer I suspect.