Friday, March 18, 2011

Remember to B-R-E-A-T-H-E

A few years ago, things were pretty bad. My blood pressure was high, I was having panic attacks as I drove about my usual business, I was having trouble sleeping and DH and I weren't our usual 'in sync' either - everything seemed out of kilter. It was funny because that year that was so stressful for me was actually a stunner for the the twins. They were 3 and we had so much fun watching them blossom. Looking back I am still surprised at how much pressure trying to afford a house in an area we wanted put us under. Plus I started studying part time, I was working and still desperately trying to have my 'ideal' family life of clean house, happy stimulated children (well therapied in Hannah's case) and an extended family dinner each week - with no dishwasher!! On one afternoon when I was feeling particularly low, I spied this printblock (pic above). It says "Feeling a little wobbly", I had to buy it and it hangs on our picture wall reminding me that I will continue to have those days but that I hopefully will manage them better each time. Yes I now see myself as clearly insane. My GP recommended a well known antidepressant - I took one but no more - I deferred Uni and held on...

FFWD a year and we are under a ridiculous amount of pressure in finding a school to meet the needs of the twins - especially Hannah - it was a stressful and confronting time but I managed to mostly keep the anxiety at bay. Then the last couple of weeks blindsided me. I don't see Year 1 as being a stellar year for Hannah. Nothing in particular wrong with her teacher - I just don't know that she has what it takes... she is lovely and a good performer in the classroom but she is set in her ways and doesn't seem to be very able to differentiate within her lessons. So I have reached a point where I am going to just put my head down and roll with it. DO what I can to improve the situation for Hannah but expect no shining lights. My anxiety was back in full force. Then work had some sage - basically my exams were today and I have to have them all marked by Monday - an enormous feat and a lot or pressure....I was chatting to my Head of Dept about the time I was having and we were commiserating on the workload - I made a comment to one of our colleagues that we just had to remember to 'breathe'. This colleague was one I had sat with and talked through some of the problems I was having at school for Hannah.
The first lot of marking came in on Wed - not my day for working My Hod rang and said not to come in especially - he knew I had a meeting at Hannah's school in the morning that I was worried about. My colleague dropped over with my first round of marking that afternoon and brought this wonderful gift with her. It made me smile: Together these candles from Oxfam spell - you guessed it - B-R-E-A-T-H-E.

Something I need to remind myself to do for a bit longer I suspect.

1 comment:

Adelaide Dupont said...

A great reminder.

Even if you are yourself anxious and depressed, other people pick up the situation too and they roll with it and adapt to it.

The woodblock was great.

"We had so much fun watching them blossom".

People surprise you.