Home - Logically I know it isn't about the four walls or the futon on which she sits - it is about the people I love and care for. The most important space I create for them is not the physical one and yet ...
My home gives me opportunities to demonstrate my love and care for the family it keeps safe. It gives me a creative outlet. When I need to see the fruits of my labour - it is there - in a recently mopped floor or a made bed or a new picture frame. Pathetic I know but I can think of no other reason why the prospect of being 'homeless' in 5 weeks absoltuley terrifies me!!!
When P and I bought our first home we were renting in a lovely harbour side suburb of Sydney - our rent was a bargain, our landlord a prince. I recall getting a bit disheartened and indeed we did spend about 20 000 more than we had planned on our house but overall the whole process wasn't bad. It was exciting and liberating to actually REFUSE to race out and buy the Saturday paper or rush up to the corner store to get an early copy of the local magazine. It was an adventure.
Now we have spent a long time in our little workers cottage and we love it! It was reluctantly and with no small sorrow that we will leave this pocket of the 'shams' in June. This house holds 9 years of memories for us. It is the twins' first home.
I am surprised at just how stressful the next step is. There is lots of talk in the media about how unaffordable Sydney housing market is. As I type this the talkback radio playing in the background is looking at a story about some repossessions of property that have been happening.
I have not really understood how strongly the Great Australian Dream of home ownership is ingrained in me but I do now. I feel tense much of the time. I can't sleep through the night without waking up to worry about housing. I have only seen a few houses that I like. Most of which despite being advertised as 'From $---' which is our price range end up going for much more at auction. The clock is ticking - if we don't buy soon then we have to rent - that means moving twice. It means delaying planning preschools for the twins. It means a more transient life than I am able to cope with although I may have to.
There is a house on a busy road that I really like. It started out in our price range. After 2 weeks on the market its price has been 'talked up'. I feel like crying. Maybe it is because I am a part time worker now - I spend a lot of time at home these days, my role of homemeaker is so much more central to me than it was when we first bought - why else does the whole endeavour make me feel like my chest is tightening and I am about to hyperventilate?
A curse upon the pondscum real estate agent who indicated (less than a week prior)before a recent auction that a house would sell for about $xxx - or $100 000 below its reserve price and $150 000 below what it eventually sold for - yes - the housing market is absolutley insane and I am so over it.