Last bit of the Holidays

Well, Term 4 started today - only 10 more weeks of kindy. One week until the twins turn 6. My how they have grown. Both have had a little spurt over the holidays. Kit is reading chapter books more, he is also staking a claim to greater independence - like getting his own breakfast. Hannah has had a fantastic surge in her speech - her utterance length is at least 5-6 words and she is putting more endings on her words. We are all looking forward to celebrating their birthdays....
While Hannah was making beautifully hand crafted playdoh cakes, Kit got out the blocks and using the info booklet from parliament house did some building - didn't he do a great job?!
Gappy. Hannah has had an adult tooth emerging behind one of her front baby teeth for ages. We ahve wobbled her baby tooth for ages hoping ot encourage it to move out of the way but to no avail so on Sat DH took little brat to the dentist to get the deed done. She was, of course, an absolute trooper - me a snivelling wreck.
For the concert Hannah needed some black jiffies or jazz shoes - we got them on Friday.
Soccer Time - Thursday the twisn and I spent a somewhat grumpy day hanging out at home and recovering from our minibreak to Canberra. Friday we were obviously back inotthe swing of things cos we had a great day and got lots of little things done - including a game of backyard soccer.


After haircuts it was time to paint. PS I asked the hairdresser about my curling woes - the decision was to cut her hair short so that they wouldn't be required - and then I was given instructions on how to pin it so it looks good for the concert.
Hannah's craft - Hannah likes airplanes at the moment - here is one she made herself - she kept pestering me for 'more sticky tape' so that she could get the job done.

Last Days

At the end of the first week of holidays a friend of the twins from kindy ( and LDC before that) came over for some cooking. The plan had been to make cheese...kindy have been learning about it - from the cow tothe fridge - and how cheese is made. One of the kid's parents run a fantastic italian cheese shop near the school - so kindy went on an excursion there. they also watched a youtube clip on how to make paneer - which got Kit all fired up - he typed up the recipe from memory - it is one of his most adorable bits of 'work' - so we just ahd to do soemthing aout it these holidays. Unfortunately the son of the 'cheeseshopowners' had to cancel - so int he end the kids I had made pasta and decorated cupcakes - it was a lovely day.
Making paneer
For Hannah's dance concert the little girls all need curly hair. I don't know how to convey my reaction to this piece of news. I was informed of it by a 'ballet mom' - not someone i know well - I am so NOT a 'ballet mom'...anyway - it is not an overstatement to say that I hyperventilated at the thought of it. I recall when hannah was about 4 I had to apologise to the therapist with the flashcard of a hairdryer - there was no way any child of mine would recognise that picture! Anyhow 'ballet mom' was quite hepful in calming my nerves and demonstrating soem bizarre hair ritual apparently known as 'rag curls'. I think she knew how the curls were going to turn out...
On the Saturday morning as we dawdled through our day we decided to go ahead and make the paneer - milk and lemon jouice - who'd ahve thought. We usually have Friday as Curry night inour house - we moved it to Sat night in honour of the big block of cheese the family made. DH was so impressed with t he results that he temporarily took on the idea of moving onto making cheddar - until he sat down with the Cheesemaking book we'd been lent - cheesemaking is pretty technical it seems and requires some specialist equipment too. Finished paneer and rag curls
More bird's nest than curls I'm afraid. Not sure where to go from here - might give it one more try otherwise I am going to get her hair cut in such a short bob that noone can expect me to produce a head of curls for the concert.
We took the twins to hte national capital for a holiday. All was going well until onour first evening we arrived at a very old friend of ours' place for a bbq - we'd been there less than 30 minutes when Hannah threw up - all over her fatehr. We got out of there quicksmart - luckily with a packed meal to take home - Dh sat up with little brat until midnight while I had a kip and then we swapped. We sat beside ehr and each time she woke up and vomited - one of us was there to make sure she 'spat it out' and that there was a bowl handy so as not to destroy the hotel carpet. Poor little darling was so stoic about it all. The next morning she hadn't been sick for a bit and had drunk quite well and kept it down - so off we drove to Floriade - the spring festival with about a million tulip blooms on display. It was fantastic - of course just after we arrived Hannah threw up again. Still we soldiered on - thinking it was the car that had made her feel sick again and not wanting to brave another return journey just yet... Now many mums of kids with DS have got fantastic photoes of their kids with tulips. A little tribute toour joureny through Holland as Emily Perl Kingsley so famously wrote in tryng ot dscrie the exepreience of being a special needs mama. Now in Sydny I live in 'little Italy' and I am pretty sure that Hannah spends a good amount of her time in 'Italy' but she and the rest of us also spend a good amount of our time in holland - the land of widnmills, tulips and Rembrandts. I ahd already told DH that I really wanted some nice pics of little miss with the tulips. After the vomit episode all I could say was - at the first garden bed of tulips we saw: "Quick - take a picture before she gets sick again - I want my tulip photo!!" Come rain hail or vomit I was determined to get my tulip photo.

From up on her Daddy's shoulders (which is definitely one of her favourite places to be)she can see a rainbow of tulips...
In a sea of tulips I spied Mum's flower - I love when her memory so sweet creeps up on me...and the irises were just beautiful.



Kit at the Dusty Boots Show. they had buskers at FLoriade - the stunt man asked for volunteers - and Kit raised his hand - the guy wanted some 'cuteness' on stage - so no wonder he chose my Kit. Dusty played the digeridoo and got Kit to play the clap sticks. He did well! and had fun.
Lake George Zebras
As we were driving into Canberra past the inland Lake George (which ahs not had a lot of water in it for years now) I told the kids to look out heir window for the zebras. Dh claimed to not know what on earth I was talking about - but htese zebras have been a bit of a hit this year - some wag put them in the middle of the lake (where it is dry!) and so fromt eh road it looks like the grass plains of Africa - with a group of zebras on it - rather freaky if you don't know that they are fakes. Anyhoo - they weren't there so DH was ragging me for being wrong (some men never learn!) - so imagine my joy and surprise to see them - at FLoriade. hannah was thrilled with them. One of her favourite sayings a thte moment is 'want that one NOW!' and she kept repeating that phrase as she and I checked out he zebras. I told ehr to speak to Daddy about getting them for her. SO when he and Kit joined us she was very unhappy to pose in photoes witht hem - she wanted her Daddy to take the baby zebra and it's mummy home - not have a photo of them!
In the afternoon Hannah and I went back to the apartment where she tortured me with palying with ehr dollys and dancing to Hi5. We also managed to go for a walk to Manuka which is a nice part of Canberra. While Hannah recovered at the apartment Kit and DH roamed around the sights of Canberra - they went to Questacon and Parliament House. On our last day after breakfast out the boys went to the Australian Mint and Han and I checked out the new indigenous wing of the National Art Gallery - it was fantastic! Today we took it easy as we were all a bit tired and happy to chill out and recover from all the excitement of our minibreak/illnesses. Kit had a sibkidz event in the morning which he loves going to and little brat did great for her ST - put lots of ends on her words - b, p, t and s. Still has trouble saying k and ch and sh and g but they'll come .... eventaully.
And so our holidays are almost over. I have begun reading my Agatha Christie Omnibuses - I read a whole heap of them whilst I was pregnant - and am quite enjoying re-reading them - so goodnight - onto the Sleeping Murder.

Hoolidays

It has taken me a while to wind down these holidays. I cleaned the house from top to bottom yesterday and now finally feel like I am finally ready to relax on holidays. hannah of course picked up the concept straight away - there is a no jewellery rule at her school - here she is decking herself out for the holidays.
The last day of term was our 16th weddinganniversary - so we all got decked out in our finest and went to the local reasonably fancy Italian place for dinner. Kit was so tired that I was eternally grateful (yet again) for my MIL who lives nearby and came and got him in between courses and took him to her place to watch the football cos he was falling asleep before the mains had arrived. Little brat on the other hadn must have had a sleep at school in the afternoon - cos she sat up in her princess frock and really added value to our romantic anniversary meal. lol! All aboard hannah's bus!

Hannah is loving imaginery play at the moment. Her favourite is to pretend to be a poodle. Today on the ferry she took turns with me - pretending to be mummy and baby - which involved crying feeding and giving baby a bottle. Another game du jour is in the morning when I am lying in bed I hear the sound of a cane basket being dragged across teh hallway into my room - then the concert begins as Hannah hands everyone a musical instrument and leads the band...no photoes though - I am in my pjs!
You know it's school holidays when construction begins in the loungeroom again.
Bikeriding and parks is still a favourite activity - especially in the lovely run of spring weather we've been having...


In this month's Sydney Child there is an article by a special needs mama about how she feels like a fish out of water as she learns to negotiate 'regular' playgroup with her new 'typical' child after years of hanging out in the special needs fraternity. I found it difficult to suspend belief - surely she was exaggerating...and yet last weekend I took Kit to a Pirate Party. It was for a lovely boy that Kit befriended last year at preschool. Kit had an absolute blast - and don't get me wrong - I enjoyed it - the parents of this young man are lovely. Still as I sat and watched Kit play - not having to check that he was 'fitting in' or that he was 'enjoying himself' that he could actually do the party games that had been organised - I felt a wee affinity with that mama. It is a peculiar feeling, paddling in the shallows after spending so much time in the deep end. In the deepend parents connect quickly. They overcome any selfconsciousness and seek bonds - they are especially welcoming - or so it seems to me. These parents were more reserved - just doing their 'regular' thing - not stepping outside of their comfort zone everytime they leave the house with their child. It felt odd not to even mention therapy or DS or some such thing - it was such a lovely setting and a lovely sunny afternoon - just right for chatting with other parents. But then I too am overstating the case. I don't feel that way at all with the other parents from the twins kindy - you know why? Because when the twins started there I sent out a letter to every family in the school. Telling them about Hannah and DS and basically asking for their help as part of the community in getting to know her and in helping her succeed at school. Those families responded with openness and generosity - they stepped out of their own comfort zone and connected in small or large ways with our family.
She makes one cool fashionista when she gets going
Kit making dessert
The twins are growing more independent every day. They have learned so much this year in kindy. Here they are busy making soup - by themselves thank you very much!
This morning my MIL and I took the twins into town on aferry. Destination: state library for a story reading. Margaret WIld and Jan Omerod reading their latest book Itsy-Bitsy Babies. Need I say more? Hannah inparticular loved it. One reason I really wanted to go was that the twins were kindly given 2 books each by Margaret WIld earlier in the year. Both with lovely thoughtful inscriptions - organised by her son who my DH knows thorugh work. It was a lovely gesture - one of those books - Baby Boomsticks was also a big hit with Hannah who is baby obsessed.
Kit volunteered to help author Margaret WIld and illustrator Jan Omerod as they read aloud an animal tale.
Illustrator Jan Omerod pretending to be a monkey, looking in Hannah's hair for something delicious to eat.
Kit contemplating life on the river
It was such a lovely spring day to be on the water. When we got home I was flabbergasted to find that both kids went down for a 'nana nap' with barely any protest> What was there for me to do but to join them? Yes almost one week into our holidays and I think we are finally finding our groove as they say...

Music Concert

Kit had his music concert on the weekend. He did great. We are just so proud of that kid. He practised twice a day for the week before hand - and it showed. He and the other kids in his class played beautifully. SOme things don't change however and yes - he tripped as he went up the stairs onto the stage - he was so excited. During the week tehre was one morning when he came racing in to our bedroom at 6am (cos that is where the keyboard is) and began playing his performance piece - TEN times (Yikes).

Hannah's dance concert is coming up in a mnth - and witht he costumes and the fact that Dad is staying with us so he can see her - I wanted Kit to feel that his concert was just as special. I think it was. his Aunty came and watched him. Afterwards he chose a reader at the local bookshop, then we had lunch at a cafe, his father bought him some lego and then he went over to a friend's house to play. So he had a good weekend. The spring holidays are fast approaching - today he started discussing our plans for his and Hannah's 6th birthday.

Dancing and Parties

Hannah is loving dance. One of her teachers also volunteers at a school for the deaf - so he knows Auslan - which is a HUGE bonus for Hannah who LOVES signing. She has been enthralled with the costumes and the moves and looks forward to going.
We ahve also had a 'festival' here in the DOck for DHs birthday. Family parties and then recently a gathering of old friends for lunch. One of the activities de jour of the kiddies was to sticky tape pencils to each finger ala Edward Scissorhands although Hannah liked it when I referred to her special'rainbow hands'.

Boys

I am lucky enough to be able to help in the classroom - today I was helping a little group - we were cutting and pasting a story sequence into booklets. The kids started chatting - it started about brothers and sisters I think - anyhow one little fellow says "I hate girls" and another one (a really good friend of Hannah's!) says "yeah, me too. I hate girls, except Hannah, I like Hannah" lol! It wasn't just cos I was there either - so I chipped in and said that I knew he was a a good friend of Hannah and then I reminded him of his 2 gorgeous little sisters at home. Then a third little boy pipes up with "I am Hannah's best, best, best friend." Gotta love the kindy kids. You never know what they'll do or say next.

Bonds

I heard a story from a couple of other kindy Mums the other day - there is another set of boy/girl twins in kindy and the boy half was upset and crying. Kit tried to comfort him but it wasn't working so he went and got the little fellow's sister to help. General consensus was that that was such a 'twin thing' to do. Lovely.

Have a Chat - the tween years

In Sydney I made friends with a girl I'll call K. Adjusting to life here wasn't that hard for me. There are a few humiliating moments - like the way other kids laughed cos I wore the 'wrong' jacket - and then called it a 'Parka'!! (My school in Sydney was very middle class - the one in Brisbane more working class...) and then the fearsome grade 4 teacher who made me repeat over and over 'off' without the 'r' in the middle in front of the whole class - sure cured me of that QLD accent! And in it all I made friends with a girl called K who was to be a very significant person in my life until my early 20s when we lost contact altogether. I still think about her and wonder. I'd love to 'peek' in the window of where she lives now - I can imagine the scene - I hope i am right - cos it would be a loving and warm family lounge that I'd see... just like her family that I belonged to for what in the end was quite a brief time really.

She came from a reasonably well known family(one of her uncles was Police Minister). My family were country queensland - do I need to say more? You couldn't get more divergent political and worldviews if you tried. My parents liked the then Premier of QLD Sir Joh Bjelke Petersen - who ruled his corrupt state with an iron fist. Firmly repressing civil disobedience or even the right of his citizens to protest. He used a gerrymander to maintain his power. My folks loved him. It was all to the power of the individual.

Her family were unionists and/or labor party politicians and/or a bunch of 'lefties'. I recall watching with great joy Bob Hawke win a federal election at her place one year - K, my boyfriend of the time (yep now my DH) and I. Her family were no doubt at the Catholic Club - a regular venue for election events.
But that was later - at first we were just 2 girls who were drawn to each other. She had beautiful eyes and gorgeous skin with glowing hair. I was rough and ragged - a tomboy. We'd argue politics - each repeating what we had learnt at our parents knee - for that was something we had in common - both our families had riotous debates around the dinner table about the world and politics in partiuclar - and children were encouraged to participate. We used each other to test the worldviews presented to us at home.
Sleepovers weren't a big part of growing up but if there was such a beast in my childhood - then it was the first time I stayed at Ks house. I remember her Mum coming in and saying 'goodnight girls' as she made the sign of the cross on our foreheads - it is something that I still do to the twins when I sneak in for a final glimpse of them sleeping before I too go to bed.
And so we went from primary school and endless discussions of the current tv drama series - the Sullivans to highschool together. Here the pool widened and we became part of a friendship group of girls that would see us through to year 10. For our final 2 years of school we moved to a different local catholic high school - and there I met up with the man who I have now been married to for 16 years - of course I didn't realise that was what would happen for quite some time! She and I and a couple of other girls formed a clique - she was always popular. Pretty and fashionable and talented. Me - I was still awkward and 'different' but I was happy with that. With K as my friend I was guaranteed to negotiate some of the turbulent adolescent years without too much stress or pressure. We loved music - my tastes had always been at complete odds with my contemporaries until then. Think Johnny Cash to Johnny Ray an you get a glimpse of the picture! I took to the indie rock scene like a duck to water - I loved that it was 'teen' and 'rebellion' and 'adolescent' but not mainstream - heaven forbid that after all my years on the road less travelled that I should fall into the mundane ticky tacky boxes of poetry and pop. So like many teenagers - we thought we were cool and so were our friends...
During this time K and I went from my attending her family functions and going away for holidays - oh how I loved hearing her father come into our room in the morning booming out a dreadful version of "Oh what a beautiful morning!". I liked her cousins and really felt welcomed into a large loyal family unit. Her father was a large man who was easy to like and someone who you just had to respect - he was a man who had charisma. Her Mum was a stay at home - something I'd never experienced - I saw it as very unusual. She was gentle and kind. K was naturally very generous. I recall once when her sister no longer needed her side chest of drawers that K asked if I wanted it - I had those draws for many many years - in fact even after I had left home and was living with my future DH I had them. Eventually they had to go - as we moved into a small workers cottage of our own that did not have room for lots of furnishings. Anyways we went from holidays with our families to going away with our schoolfriends - no parents required.

K went from school to teacher's college. Me I hadn't planned out the future quite so well but I did a year later join her at teacher's college. She became a primary teacher, me high school. During those wild years we drove to college together went out drinking together (champagne? Absolutely!)and saw lots of bands together. We had a lot of fun.
K finished her studies a year before I did and got a job straight away. I had another year of College before I too started work. These two years proved to be quite pivotal in our losing contact with each other. K was quite clear in what she wanted from life. My family decided it was time to return to QLD so I moved out with DH's sister and a friend from school. This friend is still dear to me today and so is my SIL. I love catching up with them because it is like being 'home' even though of course so much has changed since 3 gals shared a house together for a few years so long ago.
K had a plan for her future. She had matured beyond the seeing bands and hanging out with old school friends playing scrabble. She became quite secretive about her boyfriends - perhaps because she knew I didn't really trust the ones she had had -and sadly when she rang to invite me to her engagement party I had to ask - who are you marrying? It was a boy I knew from school - but I had no idea. I have to confess that I probably would have been a bit judgemental and that may well have deterred her from being open about it. It isn't any comfort that I heard not long after the wedding that the marriage had failed. I had felt so sad that I wasn't at that wedding and when I finally married my childhood sweetheart there was a part of me that was sad that she was not there. I had always thought that we would stay friends. That she would be there. She had been such an important part of my life. Through good times and bad she had known what to do. Instead I had no idea where she was at all. She had disappeared from my life for good. As I still think about her now I know that her support and friendship, the people that she was interested in befriending - had a profound impact upon my life. I still see many of those friends. I am in fact happily married to one of them! So there - I owe her still and where-ever she is I sincerely hope that she is happy.
"Have a Chat' is in fact because of her - it is a 'Dad Joke' from my father that I love. Over the years she would ring our house and ask for me - and when Dad asked she'd say she was just ringing for a chat - hence he'd belly laugh and say to me: "Haveachats on the phone". Sometimes I wish she still was.

Have a Chat - the early years

I have been thinking of a few things lately - mostly because I'm feeling a bit reflective - at the top of the list is who I was, what I expected to be when I was a grown up and given that at over 40 I am undeniably a 'grown up' (of sorts!) - who am I now? What happened along the way - what were some fo the most significant things that have guided and shaped my journey?

I know a number of people on the 'special needs journey' who quote the very applicable and lovely road less travelled ... 'and that has made all the difference'. What bits I wonder have made all the difference for me? I can tell you I have felt that I am on the road less travelled for a long time before I became a 'special needs mama'.

When I was 10 my family moved interstate from Brisbane. There I was part of a pack - my cousins were very close - for my primary education there we all went to the same catholic school - the one that was local to where my Aunt and her three children and my Grandmother lived. I recall being happy go lucky. Family drives. Lots of visiting of rellies - I remember not being able to visit my grandmother on Saturdays as she would be glued to her old radio listening to the 'gee gees' or horseracing as it is more widely known. I remember my eldest sister stage managing us siblings and cousins into 'performances' and dress ups. I was particularly close to one cousin and she and I would walk the streets for hours just passing the time...

My mum's family were country folk - her Dad a boundary rider/rabbiter/horsebreaker etc in swQLD. Dad was a city boy (if Brisbane in the 40s and 50s was anything like a city!!). He met her when he went to visit one of his sisters in the country - and stayed. He was 16. She was 18. They got court permission to marry (as he was under legal age then) and were married on Mum's 21st birthday.

Both my sisters were born in that country town. The middle one of us 3 girls was a rubella baby. She had to go to Brisbane for heart surgery. She was vision impaired and profoundly deaf. I imagine that was a significant factor in the family moving to Brisbane. My grandmother and aunty moved there too around the same time I think. My aunty never divorced but I have no memory of her husband at all - as far as I know he can still be found in that same country town.

As the baby of the family I was very spoilt. I don't recall any resentment of my sister who was deaf. I remember being friends with her, sharing a room with her. I remember her fiercesome temper tantrums and the teddy bear that she has still that she loved - he travelled with ehr when she was very young and she was sent to a baording school for deaf children. I know that she was homesick - especially after an aunt who had been living nearby the school moved away. I remember driving down to visit her.

Now as Hannah's Mum I can only imagine at the stress it must have put my parents under. To send off such a small and cute little girl off to school. It is a school that was very well known at the time and is still well known by many. It was run by nuns. I fondly recall the home film of my sister at the sports day - her cheeky grin as she ran along the logs and jumped around, happy. After a time though it just wasn't working - she was so homesick. How that must have hurt my parents. How they must have agonised over what to do. In the end she was brought back home and enrolled at the state special school for blind and deaf children. I can't recall much of who she was then - to my childish mind she was just my sister. Dad and my eldest sister attended workshops for cued speech I learned a form of pigeon sign language - taught by my sister - complete with 'deaf speech'. For example instead of signing teacher correctly I would repeat back how she said it 'bibi' and she would read my lips to know what that was.

Once we moved to Sydney she went to a school for deaf children here. Adolescence was hard. There are so many things from this time that I wish I could change. I don't know if they would have made a difference but they would have been worth a try. There was a time when i was so angry and resentful of my sister that I hardly spoke her name. I saw Mum and Dad struggle with how to help her. She was furious and so lonely - it must have broken Mum's heart. When she finished school I know how very proud Mum and Dad were of her - She got a regular job. She saved her money and travelled overseas. Dad would drive her into the deaf club each week so that she could socialise with the people she desperately needed support from - the deaf community. This was mostly a good thing but there was also some bullying and teasing which was hard for her to manage. They were also beaming with joy for her when she got ehr licence and bought her first car. Eventually she fell in love, got married and had 3 beautiful children. Her achievements still are wonderful. She has succeeded in living well, in creating a home, in coping in a hearing world. She is a strong advocate within the deaf community. She is a lovely and funny person. Loyal and still fierce. Incredibly intense in her passions and her anger.

She has taught me so much about myself and our family. She is a guide for me as I try my very hardest to be the best parent I can be for Hannah and Kit. The things I look back on and see in my parents - some of those are now my experience. Some things I look back and see in my sister - are Hannah's and well - some of mine - they will be Kit's - with a twist - a very important and significant twist. I truly believe that it is so much easier today - I have wonderful supports available. I have experience to tell me to make the most of them. I have an online community that is pure gold. Knowing that my family 'survived' and 'thrived' means that when I first got Hannah's diagnosis I felt more ready than if I had had no experience of difference and disAbility. That road less travelled? I was born on it. I never knew other kids who had siblings with a disability although of course they must have existed! When I was out with my sister her voice had the tone of the deaf person. Our fingers would fly and people would stare - yes I was brought up knowing that life isn't a one size fits all affair. It has stood me in good stead for the me I am today. I felt comfortable (mostly) being different because it is all I'd ever known.